emotions aside,
rationally, i think i am busy growing up
:)

sunday.

i was full of angst, but i kept it within me.
choices are given, but somehow, with a lot of irrational restrictions.
i hold on to this strongly;
"i am stronger and more patient than this"
but sometimes i forget about it and wail horribly.
i need a breath of fresh air
and i wish you are a little bit more supportive.
those words you said are just words,
which are, as usual, of no value to me.
thank god i listen selectively, and hear only the good things.
it's not something new, but sometimes, i wish you can cut me some slack.
if it's good, then good.
and if it's bad, then i learn.
so i got myself almond magnum and pick myself up.
with all that's said and done,
i tell myself;

i am stronger and more patient than this.
i am definitely stronger and more patient than this.

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought Id say
There can be miracles
When you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Cant see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near
There can be miracles
When you believe

i believe in you.
i sincerely do.

sometimes, throughout my life, i think that you are the most cyncial and meaniest person ever in this entire universe.

anwayyyyy, I am so so thankful that after so longgggggg, I can finally mean what i say and say what i mean, thattttttttttttttttttttt I am a GRADUATE!

:))))))))

*throw hats high above the air!*

Alhamdulilah:)

In the light of Ramadhan, i wish to grow more with You.
In the light of Ramadhan, i wish to grow closer with You.
In the light of Ramadhan, i wish that every challenge i face is with a lot of patience and faith.
In the light of Ramadhan, i wish to be a better Muslim.

ESPECIALLY in the light of Ramadhan.

InsyaAllah.

Happy Ramadhan:)

if quater-life crisis is what i am experiencing RIGHT NOW, get me out of it quick. i hate the fact that i think about the same issues in my mind over and over again. i hate the fact that i can only rant and do nothing about it. i hate the fact that i thought i have done everything and anything and still nothing comes out of it. i hate the fact that it is the same reason and explanation and thus, same consequences. i hate the fact that i want to end it soon but it takes time. i hate the fact that sometimes when i lose my patience, i cry and cry and cry, like there's no tommorrow.

i hate it.

but, maybe i haven done everything and anything that i THOUGHT i have done. maybe there is something ELSE that i can do about it. maybe there are OTHER reasons and thus, other consequences. maybe it REALLY takes TIME to put an end to the misery. maybe i SHOULD be a little bit more patient and STOP crying.

maybe.

because eventhough there is no certainty to it, there is always a possibility.

stay POSITIVE sofi.
stay, POSITIVE.

about 24 hours ago, i thought i lost the inspiration to blog. but come 24 hours later, a million and one things started pouring into my mind as though i have so much to tell. (read: AS THOUGH) lol. firstly, i want to go for another holiday. bring me to bali, thailand or malaysia and i would love you more than i love my imaginary fat cat. ayn's going to bali just nice before ramadhan starts AND after shouting on TOP OF HER LUNGS and said, "eh sofi! you want me to buy me dress or not from bali" under my void deck, i SERIOUSLY WANT TO GO BALI LIKE NOWWWW AHHHH. so kodoks, kataks, kambings, or whoever please please go and plan in advance:) sayang kauu. haha. secondly, i love heels. i love the fact that i feel a little more confident than before, with my babat face and walk down the street and feel taller than zak. yes, zak is THAT short:p besides the fact that i took 6 looooooooong hours to find 2 pair of heels so that i can psychologically feel that i am a professional working adult, I LOVE MY HEELS. thirdly, my korean tuition kids are AMAZING. honestly, i feel that i was part of the korean drama when they talked to each other in their language. it was so SURREAL. ARASSO! lastly, ramadhan is coming and i couldn't be happier so that my imaginary fat cat and i can do our part to save the earth by eating less! isn't that amazingggg? can't wait! so let's be patient and have faith that things are going to be good, no matter what happens:)

haha. i am being realistic, rite? LOL.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

oh happy days and more to come:)

1) level camp@labrador with 18 coaches and herding 20 kids is not bad as it seems:)

considering the fact that the kids are really enthusiastic, caringgggg (till the point that they care too much about my personal life and wants me to be with coach zak, and not zak. *slaps forehead*LOL!) and very manjaaaaaaaaaaa la!
su octopus to entertain anyone, anytime, anywhere.

omgggggggg. especially when the coaches played our own ice-breaker games.

you have to watch syirin and abul play the ice-breaker games with the rest. you will die laughing.

my favourite!

pap-parap-parap-pap-pap.

TOINK!
damn fun! the more aggresive, the BETTER! haha.

where the kids sabo-ed sham, syirin and me. su got away from sham so quickly. damn it!

dog and bone game.

coach sham: all the even numbers! go to coach abul and hug him!

LOL. it was damn chaotic and i don't know how abul got away faster when that IDIOT did the same thing to me.HAHA.

but the best wwas on the last NIGHT of the camp, mindless coach sham,abul,syirin,su,zak and myself went to geylang,ecp and sentosa and stayed in the car. laughed at each others antics every single second with eyes closed. no idea how we did it, but OHMYGOD, korang GEREK NAK MAMPOS LAAA! haha.

more more more!

2) KL trip with sister's family and friends was errr.... unexpectedly, motivational and emotional. haha. love every single second of it. with redha and zikry to hug,kiss and bully. HAHA. all the kakaks to talk about LIFE:)
my hensem redha.
met nad!!!!! so heh-py
and go sogo@masjid india k. the deals are really good! and that HULK THING that zikry puts on weighs heavier than me ahhhhh. so cute la zik.

3) Om hakim's 23rd birthday surprise. too bad we didn't record hakim's nonsensical actions from town all the way to amirah's grill! super funny i tell you! walk ter-kedek-kedek with butt sticking out all.

om mad irritating nak mampos with his teeth like that. and i miss you la om-s and bibik!
4) min min farewell's party@mos, where i was there for 20 mins, before mother sang the ULTIMATE music. haha
minminiminimin. have a safe trip and we are going to miss you!
while you! stop smiling and START snoring! LOL. haha. can't believe coach abul actually recorded him snoring at night for a good 30 secs. kesian dier tau.haha.

oh happy days! MORE MORE MORE!:)

I got a pocket,

Got a pocket full of sunshine

I got a love and I know that it's all mine

Oh, oh, oh

Do what you want, But you never gonna break me,

Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me

Wish that you could,

but you ain't gonna owe me

Do anything you want, you can't slow me down

Oh, oh, oh

Take me away

A secret place

A sweet escape

Take me away

Take me away

To better days

Take me away

A hiding place

There's a place that I go

Where nobody knows

Where the rivers flow

And I call it home

And there's no more lies

And darkness is light

And nobody cries

The sun's on my side

Take me for a ride

I smile up to the sky

I know I'll be alright

The sun's on my side

Take me for a ride

I smile up to the sky

I know I'll be alright

<3

so i thought, three Sundays burned like that is going to be awfully boring tillllll, i learned that,

1) zak is the class monitor. really. like seriously.

2) values are really important.especially PATIENCE(which most of us always forget and take it lightly. i can go on and on about this, but i guess we shall just self-reflect it upon ourselves:) )

3) Dr. Haim Ginott is THE MAN:

teachers - instrument of power.

I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis
will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child humanized or de-humanized.

so, salutes to all teachers. teachers of the different subjects, teachers of love and teachers of life:)

4) i have to do freaking assignment and a test. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

5) shaz is not as quiet as i thought she would be! LOL:)

so, it's not that bad as it seems. and seeing Dr Haim Ginott's hypothesis in a different light, all that matters is YOU, yourself, as one can just be an instrument of inspiration, a decisive element in any environment, a tremendous power to make anyone's life joyous and de-escalate a crisis.

you - instrument of inspiration :)

it's wonderful moments like THIS,

gives me every reason to love, live and laugh,
with all my heart and soul.

MOO-MOO!
and i think i am getting DARKER, no, not tan-ner, but DARKER. wailsssss! haha

NANANANANA, a girl who has a BIG BIG heart.

the day i learned BMW has another meaning, rather than just a normal luxurious car brand.

the day me and my girls prefer cows than boys.

the day that kodoks discovered marina south pier and made it our own playground.
the day we celebrated HARI RAYA even before ramadhan. ish ish ish! haha

and the day that we bid nurain farewell for her summer school in london and celebrated azura's 23rd birthday:)

relationships bend, but never break as we find each identities, and embrace each other's differences, with an open heart&open mind& mutual understanding.
<3

happy thursday!:)

BUTTSISTAS went wild @ DG on 19th July 2008!

Happy advanced birthday my gorgeous su happy feet with the cutest butt ever!!! andddddddd

Happy belated birthday my gorgeous nelly aryanie(MAMPOS! haha) with the sexiest butt ever!!!

sayang-sayang to atoms k!

su happy feet was really hungry and immeasurably ecstatic.

i won this game! wheeeeeeeeeee:)))), but not the jungle freeze game:( LOL!

PAPARAZZI! PAPARAZZI! very action laaa birthday girlssssss..

:D:D:D:D:D:D

the face game with impressions & it was damn hilarious laaaa!

bariah's: the one who snorts instead of laughing.OMGGG. so true! haha. love u la minah.

aishah! gua rindu banget si! & we are all super happy for you laaaaa!:)

seethal, don't be retarded and get yourself a blog k. love youuu!:)

kana love, whatever it is, we are here if you need anyone to lean on okay?*hugs. go and KICK-BUTT for your TP okay hun?:)

and THEN, su octopus called up randomly to meet up.

went to NUM and su went "over the top" with zak's SR classmate whom zak can't even remember his name, but i do!!haha( i know, zak kental haloba!haha)

the walk from PS to Cine was super kelakar nak mampos especially having my arms locked with su on my left, and zak on my right.

both of them refused to let them go and clearly, from an outsider point of view,the joke is on me.

tak betul punya orang..... haha

discovered KOEK ROAD and, zak, su and myself laughed hysterically.

really really:)

made our way to labrador adventure camp to hang out with coach syirin, coach wanie and the rest.

abul, kau PerangaiMacamSial(PMS).MASIH ader scrambler, suruh zak ambik from labrador park alll to way to kau punya palace laaaa, and BACK to labrador park laaaaa. haha!

and then, still can be FASHIONABLY LATE because "nak carik wax untuk rambut"

You deserve to be smack la eh abul!

"kan best kan macam gini!! kalau aku naik motor, korang tak boleh ketawa macam gini. aku ketawa sorang sorang. THANKS guyssssss, what are friends for mannnn!"

righhhhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

met this super jambu budak ite.

kenal-kenal ah!

MAMPOS! haha. cilin! sayang kau gils babs:)

and zak, kau la yang paling giler. haha:) the craziest one of them all, really.

Love is a much more barbaric emotion than we think.

It doesn't civilise or soften the edges of life at all,

but what i do strongly believe in is that,

Love, is always all around, and always there:)

i love you. i seriously do:)

thank you guys.*hugs

i feel almost ashamed just to have to stoop down to a certain level just to justify the situation. but maybe it's necessary.

it's such a sad thing you deleted that post. if you're not going apologise for threatening to defame me with the 'truth' that you are so sure that Sofi doesn't know, the humiliation you get from writing that entry would at least make up for it. i hated it's contents because it was malicious, accusatory, naive, petty & inaccurate. but what i loved was other people's reaction to it. your reputation as a cool, sensible dude went down like an iron balloon.

"sialah petty sak dier"
"sialah aku tak caya dier macam gini"
"i couldn't believe he's so immature"

those are not my words my boy. like Sofi and i said, we can't control other people's opinion. their opinions aren't decided by what we ask them to think. it's shaped by their perception of your actions and reactions. so if people think badly of you, don't point fingers at us for badmouthing you. and girl, people already bitched about you long before Sofi & i were together. so if you want to play victim so much, go ahead, publish your version of your story. maybe you can gain some sympathy points from there.

if you see people talking in hushed tones, they are not bitching about you. if you see people looking at your direction, they are not admiring you. if people blog about a certain character that they did not put a name to, they are not referring to you. the world doesn't revolve around you. only his world does. get over it.

with love, hugs & kisses, bites & pinches

My fellow martians and venusians,

human beings are born on this planet with a powerful brain to think wisely and a heart to be affectionate and love one another. ultimately, it's entirely up to the individual to make use of this most powerful tool in the universe, the brain, to make wise decisions and react accordingly. of course, being humans, emotions do get it in the way, be it good or bad, and sometimes, not getting the better of them.

RATIONALITY AND EMOTIONS.

it is only right to say that making wise decisions can be very cumbersome and careless. however, only with thorough analysis of the situation, and also, lessons learned from mistakes, one can come out as a smarter, stronger and much wiser person. but, without having an open mind in the analysis and looking back at our mistakes, when can one ever learn?

emotions come in many level on intensity, be it happy or sad. it's only normal for an individual to react to the situation and it's perfectly understandable. but, the difference between a very emotional person and an immature person is that they get their emotions get the better of them without thinking things through objectively. (key word: OBJECTIVELY)

human beings are also entitled to exercise their thoughts and opinions be it in any form, be it facebook, blogs and even people. but again, the difference between a person who views the situation subjectively, and a person who views the situation objectively, is probably not thinking hard enough and live with the ripples of repercussions due to an unwise decision.

this unpredictable, but yet wonderful world that human beings live in, is a very very very small world indeed. everyone's connected( read on wikipedia: SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION) and people, of course, communicate with each other. in this communication channels, there can be a million and one issues that can be discussed and not only one. whether you like their opinions or not, it's the freedom of speech that one ought to understand and look at it OBJECTIVELY. though objectivity can be achieved within the comfort zone of rationality, it would better if it's achieved outside the comfort zone to get the whole naked truth.

SOFI

sofi is a human being, who has been on this planet earth for 21 years and like many others, been through a lot of ups and downs. many many things happened in the past that she took it personally and emotionally without thinking it rationally and of course, got the worse of her. but thankfully, without those painful experiences, there will never be room for her to learn. room for her to grow as an individual. she also understands the fact that in life, there are bound to be a million and one more difficult challenges that she could face in future. though she is afraid, very very afraid of it, she will get through it with rationality and objectivity.

ZAK

like sofi, he is a human being, who has been on this planet earth for 21 years of his life. it's only part and parcel of life that many awful and awesome things happened in his life, in the past, present and future. and seriously, for sofi to look up to someone who is so calm, composed and rational in any kind of situation, she wishes to be like him some day. zak brings out the best in sofi and most importantly, sofi loves every single thing about zak.


it's been such a drama-mama week that sofi can mistook herself from suffering from schizophrenia. haha. but in all seriousness, i think her friends, her sister(my mama), bibik nadiah and auntie nadia has been FARKING AWESOME. has always been and will always be.
really really.

Yours Sincerely,
Redha (a human being baby who is 2 years old, but has a maturity level of a 21 year old)

I've always wanted to share this, what su octopus told me and it's damn hilarious laaaaa.

su octopus(because she dances like one): eh eh... rizah is damn funny laaa. kkkkkk...... what does PMS stand for?

su octopus's khai: Premenstrual system

su octopus: Wrong!

zak: No laaa... it's Premenstrual Syndrome (member action confident nak mampos ahhhh)

su octopus: Salah! PMS issssssssssssssssssssssssssss P-E-R-A-N-G-A-I M-A-C-A-M S-I-A-L.

and coming from a girl's point of view, i couldn't agree more.
PERANGAI MACAM SIAL!!! haha.

su octopus then starts pouring teh susu on everyone's lapppp.
hahahahahahahahahahaha!
i love you giler:)

Like mother, like daughter.

Maybe it had something to do with the perfectly positive correlated relationship of the characteristics between mother-daughter,
maybe it doesn't?

Like history, like present and future.

Maybe it had something to do with the fantastically colourful history,
maybe it doesn't?

Like favours, like favourite flavours.

Maybe it had something to do with an ulterior motive,
maybe it doesn't?

Like indifferent, like prententious.

Maybe it had something to do with the marvellous capabilties of the individual,
maybe it doesn't?

Like sensitivity, like PMS-ing

Maybe it had something to do with the enormous mood swings,
maybe it doesn't?

Like close proximity, like discomfort.

Maybe it had something to do with the distance and extreme discomfort,
maybe it doesn't?
.
.

.
.
.

.
.

There are a million and one possibilities with a few percentage of certainties and also,
a million and one certainties with one possibility at a time.
What you see, what you hear and what you feel can be reasoned out by rationality and logic.
But what you can't see, what you can't hear and what you can't feel, will eventually show, good or bad.
All one can do, is grasp on something so sure&so strong&so real and go through with the ebb and flow of life, TOGETHER.

LOVE.

come people! meet my dad! and in this particular picture, he really looks like Colonel Sanders(KFC). so, yesterday, particularly yesterday, he was being so lame(which was not a surprise to me) that i just have to share it.LOL


LAME INCIDENT ONE
dad: eh, that's not the BALLROOM.
bell: huh? but it states there BALLROOM.
dad: itu BILIK BOLA!

LAME INCIDENT TWO
@stadium waterfront
everyone: wahhh... so nice ah the view... (bla... bla... bla...)
dad: ahhhh... this is what you call, the SUSPENDER BRIDGE.

LAME INCIDENT THREE
dad: okay ah! kiter nak pergi mana sekarang? main pool?
mak adi: minum teh tarik ah!
dad: eh.... TEH POOL ah

and Uncle Vjay's wedding@singapore swimming club was damn happening laaaaaaaaaaa, isyam and nadi shake their booty like never before.

okay, redha and rifqy are the two cutest babies in the whole wide world with their indian outfits:)

5th July. room 13++, room 19++, room 23++, room 24++ @ swissotel&fairmont with family and friends:)

then we flyyyyyyyy . sky-high!

and then, i miss you terribly already. it's 12 noon already. so WAKE UPP!!! haha:)

You know, Facebook is SO phenomenal that i don't even blog so often now due to the constant interaction with people in wall posts and photo comments. I mean, yes, THE blog is an avenue to express your feelings about day-to-day life or just random thoughts, but i guess the HUGE difference is that Facebook is much more interactive. Instant updates, eye-popping status, incriminating photos, hot gossips and whatever-nots. But, that doesn't mean the blog is defunct, friendster is. C'mon i can't recall when was the last time i conscientiously updated it and sent testimonials. Ultimately, Facebook rocks my socks and what are you waiting for? Get busy baby! haha :)


kana, i really love the lengga!!!!!!thanks hun. (is that how you spell it? or is it lenga, lengja, lengok langgar?) haha. that was very an improptu catch up, i love it but, don't kill me okay? i accidentally told su about the plan! we MUST meet up and discusslhow how how howww! :)

till then, I cant wait for bollywood night tom! i miss you hun.

Su happy feet, if God ever allow halal lesbian marriage, i swear you would be the first one that i want to marry. haha. i don't know what kind of magic technique you use, but each time i am at the lowest point in my life, you somehow managed to cure me fast by ranting, wailing and hard-core bitching till the point that we both are so amused at ourselves. i read your blog and can't help it, but to think about all those funny thoughts that we shared, in our minds about people, including ourselves. HAHA. -don't even get me started- but all in all, i really understand why, psychology is your major and why, our paths crossed way back in 2003 :)

you rock Su happy feet.
and i love you so damn bloody much.

the thought of attending an Indian wedding with my whole entire kecoh family on the 12th is itching my backside to dance hindustani songs in my room. so, i blasted mohabhatein from my phone and just when i was about to dance dance, i got emotional. ZARKENTAL. you better come back to sg now, i tell you! haha.i know, i know, what a song to dance to rite? but i just wanted to have a little bit of fun. so yeap, he's away for another holiday in Perth and of course, i am freaking jealous because i should be the one having endless holidays, NOT HIM.haha. but, oh wells, "holidaying" in sg is not that bad, considering that i have been catching up with friends, planned or unplanned anddd watching brothers and sisters every waking minute .

i like kitty. no, i LOVE kitty.i admire her strength as a woman, her guts to fight every argument objectively and her confidence in any kind of situation. it puts me in a position where i want to be part of the walkers, part of a dysfunctional family with a million and one issues. all in all, this show is addictive and zak, you are probably right about the previous entry on how "sad" i was. it could be due to the fact that it shows the extreme end of a dysfunctional family in an unpredictable world. but at the end of the day, you know, it's between you and God. just you and Allah. AWESOME.

come home soon, hun.